Why Is Writing a Sympathy Card So Tough?
…and a few ideas to make it feel a little easier.
Let’s be honest, writing a sympathy card can feel really hard. You sit down, pen in hand, wanting to offer comfort… and suddenly every word sounds awkward. You cross things out. You overthink. You wonder if silence would be safer.
You’re not alone.
This part of grief - your part, as someone trying to support a grieving friend or loved one - is full of tender uncertainty. But here’s the thing: if you're struggling, it means you care. And that care is more than enough to start with.
So why does it feel so tough?
1. We’re scared of saying the wrong thing
No one wants to make things worse. And when someone is in deep pain, it can feel like their grief is so huge, nothing we write could possibly help. But here’s the truth: showing up - with love, with clumsy words, with honesty - does help. Even if it’s not perfect.
Try this:
"I don’t know the right words, but I want you to know just how much I care."
"I’m thinking of you every day and sending all my love."
2. We don’t know if we should mention the person who died
Should you name them? Will it make things harder? Most people who are grieving want to hear their person’s name. It reminds them they’re not the only one who remembers. It keeps their memory gently alive.
Try this:
"I’ll always remember Lucy’s laugh — it lit up any room she was in."
"Your mum was so warm and welcoming to me. I’m so sorry she’s gone."
3. We want to fix it, but we can’t
This is the really hard bit - sitting with the fact that there’s no fix. We often try to find silver linings, or offer advice, because we just want to make it better. But grief isn’t something to solve. It’s something to walk with. And your card can be a quiet companion.
Try this:
"I wish I could take the pain away. I’m here, whenever you need me."
"No advice, no pressure — just love."
4. We don’t want to upset them
There’s a fear that bringing it up will cause more tears. But most grieving people are already carrying those tears - your message won’t create any more sadness, but it might ease the loneliness.
If you’re stuck, keep it simple
You don’t need poetry. You don’t need to be profound. You just need to be real.
"I’m so sorry you’re going through this."
"Holding you in my heart."
"Here for you. Always."
And if you want more help with what to write, we’ve got a blog for that too — with real, gentle suggestions to guide you.
One last thing: the fact that you’re here, wondering what to say, already says a lot. You're showing up in a world that doesn't always know how to talk about grief - and that’s a beautiful thing.